The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've read this got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay men want to discover click here now out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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