The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries immense significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are content uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .

But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make click over here now your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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